Appendix A — The Pre-Send Checklist
Print this page. Keep it where you reply from — beside the keyboard, taped inside a drawer, saved as the note your draft sits in. Run every non-urgent message through it before it goes. It takes under two minutes, and it is the whole Clean Record Method on one page.
PAUSE
- Has at least two hours passed since the message arrived — or a full night, if it arrived hot?
- Have I read it twice, once for the facts and once for the hook?
- Would I send this exact text if I had slept normally and eaten lunch?
TRIM
- Is there exactly one topic in my reply?
- Have I removed every adjective about my co-parent — their tone, their history, their character?
- Have I removed every defense of myself? (Facts I must state stay; justifications go.)
- Does every sentence carry logistics: a date, a time, a place, an amount, or a clear yes/no?
SEND
- Is the reply five sentences or fewer?
- Does it state any agreement in plain words, with dates attached?
- Could this be read aloud to a mediator or a judge, exactly as written, without costing me anything?
- Am I sending it inside my stated hours, in the agreed channel, and nowhere else?
LOG
- Have I entered the date, the topic, and what was agreed into my message log?
- Have I taken a screenshot of anything that may matter later, before the thread moves on?
If any box is empty, the message is not ready. Draft it, leave it, and come back to the checklist. A message that waits an hour almost always sends shorter.