Kids in the Middle
When the kids are being asked to carry messages, start here: keep every message between the adults, in writing, and out of the children's hands.
When Your Child Comes Home Carrying Messages
Thank your child, take the cargo off them, and never — ever — send a reply back through them.
Read “When Your Child Comes Home Carrying Messages” →“I'm supposed to tell you the dentist money is due Friday and also pickup next week is at the mall now because the usual place is too far.”
“Two things came through Sam today — the dentist payment due Friday and a change to next week's pickup place. Please send schedule and money items to me directly here, so Sam never has to carry them. Confirming Friday's payment once you reply here.”
More in Kids in the Middle
- Kids in the MiddleThe Relative Sent as a Messenger: How to Close the TriangleWhen your co-parent routes pressure to you through a relative — an aunt, a former in-law, a cousin "just passing this on" — answer only the underlying logistics, in the…6 min read · Updated Oct 2026
- Kids in the MiddleThe Teacher Is Not a Messenger: School Staff and Your ConflictWhen your co-parent tells you they have briefed your child's teacher about you, do not demand to know what was said, and do not deliver a rival briefing.6 min read · Updated Oct 2026
- Kids in the MiddleWhen Your Child Reports on the Other HouseWhen your child repeats something said about you in the other home, answer the feeling, not the claim. Say: "That sounds like it was hard to hear. I'm glad you told me.7 min read · Updated Oct 2026
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The free Pre-Send Checklist (PDF) plus Chapter 1 of the book. Then one calm email a week.
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